Perty people

Some people just don’t know how to enjoy themselves. And that’s a problem with the party season fast approaching because to us, in the restaurant industry, it’s important that everybody who comes to our restaurant leaves wishing to come back again.

You may be the type who only occasionally ventures out for a meal and one of those times might be the office Christmas party. Then, if for some reason you don’t enjoy it, the chances are that you’ll leave our establishment with a less than favourable impression even if we’ve done everything right. Therefore, it’s very important to us that you approach the party with the correct plan. So I’ve taken the liberty of trying to establish how to make sure that everyone who comes to us with their work colleagues for their Christmas bash definitely has a good time.

1. Make sure that you sit next to the one person you’ve been secretly fancying all year. In truth, it’s unlikely that you’d fancy that person in any other environment but because work occasionally gets tedious, and because the rest of the team couldn’t possibly do it for you, there’s always one person who somehow becomes that little bit more attractive than the rest. Grab them – metaphorically speaking – as a dinner date.

2. Make absolutely sure that you don’t sit next to the person that’s been secretly fancying you for the past year. You can be sure that they’re not your type.

3. Don’t drink too much. You’ll only regret it when you hear the stories the next day in the coffee room and you can’t be sure if they’re making it up or if you actually did do that to the boss. And then there’s the debilitating nagging worries over the Christmas break and into the New Year as the next appraisal by said boss approaches.

4. Drink as much as humanly possible. After all, it’s probably the only way to get through such an event without bursting into tears. Leave those until the following day – and the appraisal.

5. If you have any influence, make sure that the employer’s paying for the meal, including the wine. Because if the cost’s being shared between all of you, there’s always that excruciating moment at the end of the meal when those that are driving realise that they’ve been subsidising those that aren’t. And, by then, the latter don’t care so the former go home very grumpy and we don’t want that.

6. Of course, if the cost’s being shared, make sure you’re not driving so that you drink more than your fair share and definitely leave happy, heading for the nightclub. Rather than leaving miserable, heading for home to write a resignation letter and to kick the dog.

7. And talking about the effects of drink, make absolutely sure that you don’t say anything that you might regret to anybody who can have a detrimental effect on your livelihood and that includes everybody from the tea boy to the chief executive. Many a promising career has been thwarted just around the coffee and the mints.

8. And last, remember, it’s the Christmas party and everybody knows that this is the time to get off your chest everything you’ve wanted to say all year but, out of diplomacy and common sense, didn’t. Nobody will remember it the next day and, even if they did, hey, it was the Christmas party. They’ll surely not hold it against you. Will they?

I hope that helps and look forward to seeing you next month. Whether you’ll be back with the same crowd next year might depend on if you follow my advice or not.

November 2010